Turkey with Whisky

You'll need the following ingredients:

  • 1 turkey, apx. 5 kg (for 6 persons)
  • 1 btl. of whisky
  • 500 g lard in slices
  • Olive oil
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Ketchup
  • Aspirin

Get a turkey of apx. 5 kg (for 6 persons) and a bottle of whisky. You'll also kneed some salt, pepper, olive oil and some lard i slices. Put the lard slices on the turkey, fasten it with some string, put salt, pepper and some olive oil on the bird.

Pre-heat the oven to 200 ° C. Pour a glass of whisky and drink a toast for the good meal to come. Put the turkey in a roasting pan and place it in the oven.

Pour two quick shots of whisky and drink again on the good result to come.

After 20 minutes the thermostat is set to 250 ° C so the turkey will get a decent ’shock’.

Pour another three shots of whisky and thzrink them.

Afffter half an hour ors thszo you turn the bird. Keeeep waatczting it roashzt. Thaaake the wishzky-bottle and takhKe anotther sczhottt.

AFFter anOTHer halllf hOUr or sCHzo yuo whalkk SChzlowwly ovvver tho the DAmned ovvven. NoWW weEE tsczhakkhe aNNNotHEr fIIIve-SEVennnn schzoTTzss oFFF whiszzzcky whIIle the BIIIrd rOAStszchs fooor szcome thrrEEE hoURs (AAApproxzhimatLY - ahhHH WWhooo CArrrressz!!?)

Ifff youh inn anny wway cann mannnage thenn crawll to theee ovenn andd tryyy to pUUll the dammnned tUUrkeyy outT! Havvve anOTHEr shOOTT and trY onczhe mORE to get the bIRD ouTT!!! Nowww PICk thaaht DMNned bird UP frooom the flooor and plachze IT on a trAY. MINNND the schzlippery KITschzen flOOr.

Ifff youh cann't avoiid ittt thenn try againnn (oooopsczh tczat waszcn't sczhoo luckky ... tihihihihahahi...... whattt thee helllll ...).

Have a good long sleep - you deserve it.

Shhh ... Quiet Please!

Eat the cold turkey cold with ketchup and aspirin the next day.

Bon Appetit!